November 20th, 2009

Unemployment

Man. I feel like a bum. Like yeah, I’ve got it up to here with schoolwork, but I’m used to having insane work from my time in the fansubbing scene AND high school at the same time. Now that I’m on “break”, it just kind of feels like I’m squandering time I could be using to my advantage. I’ve got a good few years of university in me, if I’m going to go for my Masters’. Maybe I’ve got something in me. Something I can work on to tide over my feelings. I just haven’t really found that thing yet. Maybe it’s the story idea that propels me out of my slump. Maybe it’s a revelation, a figment, a piece of something that changes my mind and my outlook right now. It’s probably not going to happen, not any time soon. But a girl can hope, can’t she?

That tree outside my dorm window looks different than all the others. I live in an area where if you see a tree, there’s about a 99.9998% chance that it's a palm. I’ve found myself plucking a coconut off of its branches(? can you call it that) and just mashing it against the concrete like a chimpanzee. Fully crouching, overhead smashing, that kind of thing. That’s not really the impression of myself I want to give, but come on. We’re all clowns. May as well make life a little more entertaining before we bite the big one.

I don’t know. It’s either a cedar or an oak. I never really saw a difference. There’s some people out there that go completely insane over taxonomy in any form, shape, or whatever sort of figure it might curl and bend in. It’s a beautiful tree, but it just doesn’t belong in any sense of the word. Now that I look at it, uh, it sort of looks like something I’d see back when I lived in Michigan.

Yeah. It’s pretty exact.

Huh.

I feel awful for admitting this to anybody but... no, I feel awful even saying this to myself. I dearly miss Michigan. Don't get me wrong! I love Florida. I love the tropical air. But I would be remiss in saying that I don't get homesick even a little bit. I don't want to face my mom especially after all she's been saying. These two aspects of me just want to fight, fight, fight.

...Sorry, Sandra. I'm rambling, aren't I?

...What? You feel the same way?

Yeah... I guess our situations really are similar.

How do you cope?