September 30th, 2010

Pool

A knock on my door. I realize that I haven't moved in days. I don't rouse myself from my trance.

A voice. It's hers.

I stay. I ruminate. I don't feel like a person. I dwell on thoughts and ideas that pin me here.

She calls out in muffled tones. I gather that she's mad at me.

It's safer in here. The dulcet river beneath my bed runs its course. I am drifting by.

A pause. For a moment I believe that she's given up the ghost.

Better for her and I. As my body becomes lighter, paradoxically I become heavier dead weight.

I hear my door swing open. Light I was unacquainted with meets me again.

It's soft, but still stings the whites of my eyes.

She's there. She's a silhouette imposed onto yellow-orange light.

She pities me. It's obvious.

CARLY

(Pityingly)

"Cat."

I turn back over in my bed. If I can't see her, she can't see me.

"What are you getting at?

I don't know. Does she believe that this is a ruse?

She sighs.

"Get dressed. Bring your swimsuit."

What? What is she getting at?

This is outside my parameters. Yet I do. I bring my best swimsuit--my only swimsuit. I have a Bleach beach towel that I bought because it looked funny a year ago. This is the first time I've used it.

I get into her car. She's always said that her car is nothing fancy. She's said that in a perfect world she would drive a hearse just because it "commanded peoples' respect". I giggle weakly at the memory. She looks over at me, the corner of her mouth involuntarily tugging upward. She's playing Tik Tok by Kesha, tapping the steering wheel in tune to the song. The drive to wherever she was going was labored and dragged out at the start. Over time it felt more natural. The dead of the night was our world, wasn't it?

We end up at a crappy tourist motel. She works here, I recall. Nobody's checked in. She drags me to the back where a giant blue-lit pool meets us.

We lay out everything we've got. It's all ours.

Her hand interlocks with mine as we jump into the deep end.

I feel for the first time in years.

We play. We had a lot of fun.

Before I knew it, the sun had already begun to show its face. Our fingers had long since pruned.

I felt the need to cry even when I believed my eyes had long dried.

I felt alive.